Pages

Friday, July 22, 2011

Leftovers, The Color Orange, and Eye Pain

Like I said a day or two ago, we recently had a big cookout for the kids' birthdays, and we were left with an exceptional amount of food and drink. Tonight is the last night I will consider eating meats that were cooked for the party, as it's now 6 days ago, and some might argue I've pushing the envelope even still. Tell you what, if I die of old meat tonight, you can say "I told you so".

One of the items that I have in surplus is soda of many kinds. I don't usually drink regular soda anymore, I don't want my kids drinking it, and my wife's diabetic, so she can't anyway. Still, I hate to pack it all up and give it away; it cost me money, dang it! So I've been indulging a little. I have rediscovered a long-forgotten love for orange soda, but I almost choked when I saw 50g of sugar per can. No wonder I was up so late last night... I thought I was safe since it is caffiene free...

Pretty much the only food thing left, aside from a little pile of cold slaw and a small baggie of pasta salad was a sizable tray of buffalo wings. 1 of 2 declared only just this afternoon that she loved buffalo wings. "Well good," I said. "Now I know what dinner will be." 2 of 2 however, would not have eaten them. I set her up with a sippy cup of milk, and an orange that I peeled and made little bits out of. Happy was she.

The three of us settled in to eat our foods and watch "Toy Story" on tube. Which... doesn't actually HAVE a tube... but anyway, I realized halfway through dinner, 2 of 2 was having more fun painting her extremities with bits of orange rather than eating them. Fortunately she stopped and ate, and everything went fine from there, but we could have had some Ben Stiller caliber shenanigans there... Had she gotten orange in her eyes, things would have gotten quickly stressful, as my hands were covered in buffalo sauce...

I get nervous when eyeballs are concerned. Such a delicate thing, the eye. If given the choice, I'd probably choose to lose a limb than an eye. Here's hoping I never have to choose!

I've had things in my eyes at various times in my life... I get eye lashes in there sometimes, that bury themselves in some remote corner of my skull so obscure that I can't get them out. All I can do is wait until it stops hurting some forty minutes later. My eye is always swollen, red and running for a day or so after that.

One of the worst things I've had in my eyes was sunblock. What a nightmare that was, cause you close your eyes to let the tears wash it out, but when you open them, it's so bright it hurts your eyes, and if you didn't properly clean your face, the junk goes right back in. That debacle probably took me a good hour to rectify.

When I was a kid, I was given a nice tool set... and I mean young, like 5. I remember sitting on the picnic table in our yard, trying to pry pebbles out from between the planks with my metal file, only to triumphantly dislodge the pebble and jam the file in my eye. I scratched my cornea and wore an eye patch for a few days, if I recall correctly.

I can't handle tooth pain, and while I'm waiting for attention from the dentist, when I got tooth pain, I use the clove oil that you dip the cotton balls in, which you then jam into the cavity. That is not something you want in your eye.

I once tried a new aerosol deodorant. I sprayed it into the cover, and sniffed the cover to sample the scent. There was something like dust or some sort of particle in the cap, and I inhaled it , resulting in a short gust of exhale... which blew into the cap, and sent some of the residue left by the deodorant into my eye... I called the poison control number on the back of the can while my high school buddies watched in hysteria. "What are the symptoms?" the woman asked. "What ar... my eye hurts!" I shouted, sending my "friends" into explosive laughter.

But without doubt, the worst eyeball pain I've ever endured was inflicted upon me by a friend as a prank. I was perhaps twelve, and a smart-ass-and-a-half. I'm sure I provoked it, possibly by throwing his cigarettes into the local swimming pool (I did that to him bi-weekly). He'd just bought a 20oz Coke, and was hanging out with my cousin and I talking. He opened the coke bottle, and in one quick motion he thrust it at my face and squeezed. I felt the ice cold Coke rush in, under my eye lids and past my eyes, like carbonated hellfire. Never before, and not since, have I experienced pain from foreign agents in my eyes. I don't recommend it. I did get him back, I snapped him with a wet towel so well, it actually drew blood. I still thing I got the worst of that exchange though.

What's the worst thing you've ever gotten in your eyes, or put in your "friend's" eyes?