Thursday, April 21, 2011

Red Handed - A to Z Blog Challenge

I work from home as a computer IT geek consultant. Here, working in my house, I can get up from the couch when workload permits, and make a sandwich, or reheat some left overs. It wasn't always that way though. I used to work in an office building in downtown Boston with a few dozen other folks, where I was made to either eat lunch at 12 if workload permitted, and I was ... not force, but limited to eating with a bunch of people, or not eating... and I was still with said bunch of people.

Eating aside though, a real aggravating part of working in an office building was that I had to share the fridge. True, I have to share the fridge here at home too, but it's different. At  the office, I shared the fridge with people who would put things in there, and never take them out again. These things would get old, and grow fur. 

Even more infuriating than the junk that was never cleaned out of the fridge was that one guy in the office who would eat whatever he felt like eating, whether it be his, or yours, or covered in fur. That rat-bastard ate at least half my meal on many occasions, and I always wanted to stab him for it... but I could never prove it. 

My solution came to me in the form of a bottle that my wife's uncle had. It was a hot sauce called "The Hottest F*ckin' Sauce". I dabbed one drop on my finger and tasted it. It lived up to it's name. I slathered those suckers like it was my job.

"So," I said after noticing the styrofoam had a telltale orange fingerprint... I saw the jackass, sitting at the table in the shared lunch room, eating a barbeque chicken breast. Yes, that's right, he ate one of my buffalo wings, EVEN THOUGH he brought his own lunch.

"How's the chicken," I asked feeling much the winner. You dirt bag... teach you a lesson you sleaze... "It's good," he said.

"No, man, I mean my buffalo chicken," I said.

"I didn't eat your chicken," he lied.

"Yeah ya did man."

He smirked and nodded... "Yeah, ya got me. How'd you know?" he asked as if he were just admitting to nothing at all.

"There's buffalo sauce all over your face and under your fingernails you slob."

"Heh," he said dismissively. Bastard didn't even care!

I wanted to poke him in the eye... I finally hatch a freakin master plan to teach him a lesson, and he's too stupid to even realize he had just eaten the hottest f*cking sauce! AND I totally outted him in front of everyone and he didn't give a rats ass!

Totally ruined my week. Hell, I'm still pissed.

You ever have someone eat your lunch? ... and not that it doesn't happen to me here at home either... But it's different here.

...I'm all out of the hottest f*ucking sauce.

god those wings look good...