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Thursday, August 12, 2010

Train of thought derailed

The last time I posted something during a moment of time where I normally wouldn't have thought about posting, it turned out amusing. Here, I find myself in yet another situation where posting a blog entry doesn't sound like something one would do, so... Here I go.

I'm not certain whether it's lack of sleep, as last night was a very late night, and this morning started quite early, or the levels of coffee that I've had today to counterbalance, but my mind is wandering without my permission, and it's got a habit of wandering very far away from me. I can only hope it's leaving a trail of bread crumbs.

Four times I tried to read an email sent to me earlier, and four times I failed. The email was: "Tomorrow is Friday, and I'll be away next week. I'd like to get a few things before I leave, but I don't know if i'll get the chance. Maybe I'll stop at Walmart."

Not a very complicated email. My attempts went like this:

1) "Tomorrow is Friday..." Goddamn right it us. My wife works tomorrow, I'll have to figure out something to do for dinner. God only knows what'll be a good choice, my oldest daughter is finicky lately. I'll have to figure out what to feed the baby shortly too... Not as easy as it was a month ago when she'd just eat whatever slop you spooned up out of a jar, but since we introduced little finger foods, she only wants to feed herself. Just like her older sister, I guess who decided once she tried real food that she was done with baby food. We ended up giving away about a case of jar food. Some of that stuff was nasty smelling, like the beef-whatever one that smelled like Dintey Moore Beef stew... Which I also don't like. My wife does though. And actually she liked that baby food too, come to think of it. ...ew...

*ahem* back to that email.

2) "Tomorrow is Friday..." Ok, that's where I left off last time... "And I'll..." away... next ... no, I'll BE away next week. I haven't been away in a while.

...

3) "tomorrow is Friday..." Ok, got it. "and I'll BE away next week..." I wonder how many weeks he gets... Took me years to get more than 2 weeks. As it is, I get 3 weeks of paid time off to divide between sick and vacation time. I... GRR...

4)"Tomorrow..." ...I'm staring at the words, and my brain is not absorbing. Let's try this again later...

As I sit here now, although I am able to type in a straight line (which I credit to being able to type just about as fast as I talk, and for no other reason even closely resembling mental clarity) I find that my eyes are moving slowly, and my head feels like there's a low buzz, like when a fluorescent bulb sorta half-burns out. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Have you ever felt... oh, look, I have an email... wonder who it's from...

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

WHO??


I write like
Cory Doctorow

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My turn to piss you off!

So those of you who read my last post might remember that I was a little annoyed ... ok, a lot annoyed, with just about everything for no particular reason. I'd mentioned that in that state of mind, it was perfectly believable that a huge corporation would hire someone just to piss me off.

I got to thinking what I could do to fire back. Sure, two wrongs don't make a right... but aren't you supposed to fight fire with fire?? Turn about's fair play? or was I to be the bigger person? Hell, I've been a "bigger person" most of my life. It got me picked on in grade school, but it kept people away from me in High school. Now the world if virtual, and no one I deal with ever sees me anyway, so it doesn't do me much good.

Now, of course, I'm not going to do these things, cause most of them are illegal, and ALL of them are wrong, but I'd be willing to bet it'd get the goat of a few of those evil empire corporations who have whole departments dedicated to causing me inconvenience.

In my perfect retributive plan, I would have a whole army of like minded individuals. I'm sure it'd be called a mob, but really, it's my own corporation. Perhaps an LLC instead of INC, cause that's cheaper, I'm told...

We'd travel the world spray painting "ION" at the end of every "Victoria's Secret" sign.

We'd find a place to sample some of the following meats: Manatee, Spotted Owl, Bald Eagle, Humpback whale, elephant, and Narwhal. We'd use the ivory to fashion a beautiful chess set. And as I hate playing Chess, I'd then just throw it out.

We'd buy huge amounts of metals from China, make shitty items, cover it with lead paint and sell it back to them at a markup.

We'd run English as a second language schools for immigrant children, and teach them all the wrong words.

We'd secretly switch the coffee in all medium to large sized companies with decaf. When everyone had a raging headache, we'd hand out muscle relaxers, saying they were advil.

We'd feed alka-seltzer and cigarette butts to seagulls and pigeons.

We'd leave all the lights on, all the air conditioners on, all the heat cranked up to full and all the windows open. We'd leave the water running and the fridge open.

We'd change the toner in all the copy machines and printers, and just throw away the empty containers, instead of recycling.

We'd call all the ladies we came across "Babe" and "Chick".

We'd make up nicknames for all the guys we came across like "Sally".

We'd rent cars, and continue to turn the key even after the car is running, making that horrible sound.

We'd infiltrate grade schools, and tell the kid's there's no difference between the words "There" "They're" and "Their" and that they are interchangeable.

We would NOT leave the toilet seats up. We'd just put plastic wrap over the bowl, just underneath the seat.

I think that's a decent enough list for now. What would you do to get back at corporate america for going out of their way to piss you off??