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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Truths for Mature Humans

I'm not typically one to forward jokes. Actually, I'm not really even one to forward jokes to, apparently. I used to get lots. Not sure what happened. I think the world just sorta finally got to the point where just about everyone has recieved, forwarded, re-recieved and re-forwarded so many jokes that everyone's tired of it or something.

I did get a good one today, so I thought that I would share it here.


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive
for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -
ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the
phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger
and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I
first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each
hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they
said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every
year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate
drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate
bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
time.