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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Since When is it Bad to be Wrong?

People are wrong all the time, myself included. I'm wrong more often than I'm right, and I'm well aware of it. I don't mind being wrong, it's how we learn to be right. If I'm wrong, I expect to be made aware of it, because that means that there's something I believe that's not true. If I'm wrong on this blog I give anyone who reads it a formal invitation to let me know; I want you to.

It's amazing to me that wanting to know when one is wrong seems to be a unique thing. Why would anyone be offended to be told that they're wrong when there's clear, concise evidence of it? Why would someone prefer to go about life, not only being wrong, but actively professing whatever they're wrong about? Either they're just going to make a bunch of other people wrong, or they're going to damage their own credulity by give false information to people who know it's false!

Have you ever been in a situation where you tell someone they're wrong and they steadfastly disagree, presenting all kinds of arguments to prove that they're right, but their logic is flawed, or they perceived something incorrectly, and when you actually prove that they're wrong they get offended?

That same person who condescendingly explained why you don't know what you're talking about will then say "Yes, ok, fine, YOU ARE RIGHT, everyone give a great round of applause for the human encyclopedia here, for being right. You're so wonderful and learned, please enlighten us with your volumes of vast wisdom." Don't you just want to say, "Look you f*cking idiot, you were wrong, I was (and am) right, and now you have the audacity to try to belittle me for being right?? I have made you're life better by helping you look like less of a numbskull. Next time, I'll let you go about your life in an ignorant bubble, and let everyone else believe you're the dullard you deserve to be perceived as."

Typos happen all the time. I'm sure that when I'm done with this rant, I'll have at least a couple dozen to handle myself. But this is a blog, and moreover, this is my blog. The purpose of this web space is simply my own enjoyment, and if someone else gets some enjoyment out of it, all the better. Heck, the title of the blog is =]V[=. It's not a word. It's not even a letter! (Although it's supposed to look like an M... Stands for "Monogram". ;) ) Typos in a professional setting, where information is presented for the sake of the information itself, are worse, and depending on that setting, can really frost my ass.

I cannot stand when a note comes home with my daughter from school, and there's a typo on it. A simple slip of the fingers can yield an errant letter here or there, or maybe a stray apostrophe that got hit when they were looking for enter, and that's not really such a big deal. What gets me irritated is when a statement is sent out saying "...there is amble evidence that reading to your child...blahblahblah..." Amble? First, this letter is trying to explain to me that my child's development in reading and writing is greatly impacted by me as the parent, and it's using words incorrectly? How ironic is that? Second, this establishment is teaching my kid how to read and write, and kids are going to be graded on their use of the English language and spelling and either they don't proofread their own announcements, or they don't know the difference between ample and amble.

This morning, I was reading this article about the artificial creation of a mini-big-bang, and the second paragraph said "bidto" instead of "bid to". Again, not a big deal, but that should have been picked up by a spell checker. (Don't worry, I posted a comment pointing it out. It was corrected in a matter of minutes.)

I'm gradually becoming discouraged about web publishing because of mistakes like that though. It seems that either everyone is so rushed to get information out because the longer it's out there, the more traffic it creates, which translates into exposure / profit for the website. The information takes a back seat to the profits, and typos are slipping through. Either that or the writers / editors just don't care enough to proof their articles.

I've recently been writing for a website called Brighthub.com about Dungeons and Dragons type information, (That's right, I'm a bigger geek than you may have realized. :) ) thanks to Eric at working my muse, a great guy and excellent writer, though I think most of you know that already. This has really been my first experience with any sort of professional writing, and I'm having a great time... but at the same time, it's been a telling experience.

There have been a couple of instances where I've been reading through someone's article, and there have been typos. I've always let them know, because if they fancy themselves a writer, they'd want to know. They've always been receptive and grateful for the heads up. Once or twice, I've come across an article (about Dungeons and Dragons, mind you... MY realm of knowledge on the site!) and the information's just been plain wrong. I sent a message to the writer about it, but the article is still there, and still not quite accurate.

We get paid to put out these articles, and the website makes money when we generate traffic. I'm disappointed that it almost doesn't matter what we publish, as long as someone clicks on the page and sees the google ads. Obviously, I'm going to continue to make sure my information is correct, but I feel like the fact that there is information at the same site, about the same sort of thing that isn't completely accurate reflects on me indirectly, simply due to my affiliation with the site and the topic.

Am I over-reacting to the sudden (or maybe not-so-sudden) emergence of all these typos in professional or scholastic writing? Should a typo mean less to me than it obviously does?

Monday, November 8, 2010

My blog. My own personal corner of the internet where I can bear my soul and dump my thoughts. My personal activity (or lack thereof) is a direct indication to the tempo of my life currently.

I find myself pulled in many directions all at once, and it's not really something I do very well with, much less enjoy. My job is one that requires me to multi task, and although I can do it readily enough, it wears on me quickly. By the time five o'clock strikes I'm quite drained, even though I've been sitting for almost the entire day, sometimes on a couch.

In many ways I find my personality is not suited for this "work" thing. In order for me to get something done, there needs to be a goal, and a direct route to it. Unfortunately, the world of IT is seldom as cut and dry as point A to point B. Focus, is something with which I struggle. As a child I spent as much time staring mindlessly out the window as I did anything else. I'm quite sure I had some legitimate difficulties that went undiagnosed. Now, in order to get to point B, I really need things to stay the hell out of my way.

There are times when I feel like a humming-bird, moving very quickly from left to right, to up, to down, to over to back to from point a to everywhere BUT point B. interruption sets me back very much. I'm like a train, once derailed... Takes a long time to get me back on track. Something that should take fifteen minutes can sometimes take me an hour because of one simple five-minute distraction.

So for those of you waiting for me to get to the point, my proverbial point B... Well, you're outta luck, there is no point.

I wanted to get a blog post in, because it's been far too long, and I really miss it, but have nothing in particular to say right now. Sometimes, I just want to write, and it doesn't really matter what it's about. Writing for the sake of the written word. It's like taking a walk with no destination in mind. A wandering stroll.

I will be coming back to the blog soon, and I'm sure I'll have plenty to say being that just sitting here looking at the text editor, I've got things on my mind... For now, I'm content to simply wander.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Halloween (repost)

I'm fairly certain that this is my first ever repost here, but it's important, so read on!

Another chance for us to dress our kids in funny costumes, occupy them for a whole evening, get them all tired out and eat their candy when they go to bed. :D

Givers of candy, I have this request for you! I realize that America is obese, and I understand that proper education and discipline as a child will help to stem this epidemic. Trust me when I say, I am doing my part to make sure that my children are not in receipt of too much candy!

How you ask? Well, I secretly remove some of the candy from their stash, a little at a time so as not to be noticed. This way they feel like they ate it all, but in reality, they only eat a portion of it.

No! Of course I don't eat it! *wipes mouth*.

My request is that you help me out a little bit here... Here's a list of candy that I don't lik...er... That's hard to dispose of undetected... Yeah, that's it.

PEEPS
These nasty little buggers get sticky and leave marshmallow all over my fac... ah... hands. Very difficult to take care of undetected.

CANDY CORN
If you purchased candy corn, you may as well keep it. Take a look around the house and see what else you got. I completely understand that you bought these with the best of intentions, and it may be the only "candy" type food you got, but be creative! Sugar cubes or packets? Tea bags? (Earl Grey are nice. That is to say, they're the easiest to squirrel away from the kids while staying under the radar). Chicken nuggets? You get the idea.

COCONUT
Anything with coconut in it is bogus. Stay away from this at all costs. Why? I don't like them. And that's a legit reason, cause just the smell of them makes me wretch, so being stealthy is very difficult with a fist full of mounds bars. I can't think of a good use of a coconut that involves eating them. I think the professor made a HAM radio out of a couple, didn't he? That's acceptable.

CIRCUS PEANUTS
Seriously, could there be a more disgusting "candy"? It's like they didn't have quite enough coagulation agent to make another batch of silly putty, so they feed it to the indiscriminant. I don’t even like that junk in my house, let alone my bell… Kid’s bellies.

FRUIT
It’s been a few years since I’ve seen this, but several times over the years someone’s tried to pass of raisins and apples as Halloween booty? What are you, new? You want your place toilet papered? Weren’t you ever a kid? Did you like getting produce on Halloween? The fourth grade versions of yourself would kick your ass for that. That’s like giving a little boy clothes for Christmas.

If you’re into disappointing children (which I’ll admit can be rewarding from time to time…) keep it up. You’re just giving them things to throw in the compost heap. By the time they get through the real stuff, the nature’s bounty you handed out will be turning brown and sprouting hairs. Look, Thanksgiving is just around the corner, keep that junk for pies and breads. Halloween is about glucose packed goodies, not health foods.

* * * * *

Now that you know what not to give out, here’s how to do it right.

This is not one of those holidays where you go to the dollar store to buy your supplies. Penny pinching is going to get you in trouble. Not quite as much trouble as giving out V8 juice or celery of course, but old stale no-name chocolate bars are only just so-so. May not get you egged, but don’t be surprised to find your morning newspapers in the bird bath for the next couple of months.

That said, you don’t have to go top shelf either, once you pass a certain level you’re in the clear. Sure, we’ll tak… Ah, they’ll take Symphony bars, toblerone, and Lindt chocolates, but your return on investment isn’t going to be that much higher. Remember, going above and beyond isn’t going to get your lawn mowed or your gutters cleaned. You’re never going to get positive karma out of this… Your job is just to not get assaulted by angry Junior-high kids equipped with shaving cream.

Think of the standard names. These are the candies you see lining the aisle as your leaving the super market. Hershey’s, Reece’s, NestlĂ©’s Crunch, Kit-Kats, Snickers. These are perfect examples of middle-of-the-road treats to give out. This will keep your yard free of any kind of delinquent Halloween tomfoolery.

The little bite sized ones are fine, those will get you a pass. You don’t have to go full sized, or king sized.

If you disagree, and still would rather give out vitamin filled tree-droppings, do yourself a favor: Turn your porch light off, and don’t answer your door. You’d much rather the kids think you’re not home, as opposed to trying to get them to slim down.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Kindergarten, Now and Then

In the scenic autumn of 1984, I started Kindergarten. I don't particularly remember the very first day, but I remember a good number of the days I spent there. My scholastic career following kindergarten was one filled with frustration, boredom, and apathy. Brookline didn't start keeping score until 6th grade, which is to say, I had never gotten a report card until then, much less a letter grade. Ironically, that's about when I stopped caring about school. 

But kindergarten was a different story. We played and glued things to paper like string and other colored paper. We stacked blocks. We listed to "We Are the World" over and over and over... We had "Quiet Listening Time" where we lay on the floor on these spongy mats and listen to classical music. 

I remember graduating to first grade, and panicking because they expected me to read a whole picture book!

Fast forward to 2010. Now my daughter is in kindergarten, and I can't believe the differences. Times have certainly changed. Kids going in to kindergarten now are expected to be able to recognize and write their names, know the entire alphabet complete with the sounds the words make, and be able to count from 1 to 100. Coming OUT of Kindergarten, it's not unusual for them to be writing in whole paragraphs! 

What was Kindergarten like for you? Are they pushing our kids too hard now, or did we get off light?

Friday, September 17, 2010

So THAT is a Meme...

I've just been informed of a new way to be tagged. In the past, I've been tagged while running bases (albeit MANY years ago, and probably EVERY time I've had to run bases.) I've been tagged in pictures, much more recently than while running bases. There are some ways I have not been tagged before though, and one if which is like this cow:
To my knowledge, that has not changed. 

However, I've been tagged to do what is apparently called a "meme" by James Sullivan. Wait, no, THIS James Sullivan, or Suldog. Or Sully or Jimi Larue or "Your prescription is ready"

Here's the basis of this Meme... I have to answer his 8 questions, come up with 8 questions of my own, and then tag 8 people to answer my 8 questions, and tag 8 people of THEIR choice to answer... 

So without further delay, let's get this over with. 



1 - You have a choice. You can have your nose replaced with a second set of your genitals, or you can have your genitals replaced with a second nose. Which would you choose, and why?

(I'd love to hear Suldog's answer to this one too, seeing as when he met the person who asked him the 8 questions, he posted a picture of her with her finger up his nose... Many opportunities for questions right there...)

Well... First, let's start with some basic assumptions here, as there were some details left out.  I'm going to assume that the replacement body part would be functional.I'm also going to assume that the replacement part would be another one of what you've already got... in other words, I'm assuming I couldn't have my nose replaced with female genitals. 

Let's explore the nose in the pants... 

First, farting would be nearly as funny as it is right now. Second, a sneeze down there might set of one of those not so funny farts. Third, sticking my nose in a toilet isn't all that appealing when I'm vomiting, and I'm betting it's even worse when doing other things. I'm not even going to get into how one would pee. 

Another thing to consider, I've had the problem before that when I do vomit, it sometimes comes out my nose. Would it come out the second nose too, or would the plumbing be different. One wonders what other sorts of stuff that comes out of the body, would sneak out the replacement nose.

Nose in the pants: Unpleasant to say the least. 

The alternative... Well, I do my best not to lie, so it would be difficult to explain why my nose was growing. Further, I get food in my mustache as it is, and sometimes my mustache gets in my mouth. Not a fan of the imagery that fact brings to that question. God only knows what would happen when I sneezed. I'm not going to explore the thought of whether or not that would produce boogers or what have you. 

Dongle on face: Unpleasant

As Suldog said in the answers to the questions that he was asked, loopholes are fair game... Believe it or not, I have red clown nose in a box in the attic. I have no idea where I got it, but it's a "nose" and it's mine. Now, I am not thrilled at the idea of having it replaced with genitals, but I don't have any novelty genitals that I could have replaced by a nose. 

I'm going to opt to have my clown nose replaced by genitals. I'll let you decide whether it's replaced by male or female genitals, as long as said genitals also came from a clown.

2 - Do you think I give a tinker's damn?
I suppose it depends on exactly what that is. If there were a group of people called "tinkers" and each tinker had a damn, unless Suldog himself were a tinker as well, I'd have to say no. Suldog, being a non-tinker, would be committing a crime... Obviously that damn was not his to give. 

Now, if there were damns that were called "Tinkers damns" in a way like ground beef, gravy, corn and potatoes is called "Shepherd's pie", and Suldog happened to have one that he didn't want, or perhaps an excess of them, I would say that yes, he would give one. He's a generous spirit. 

3 - If you suddenly found yourself transformed into a cockroach, would you step on yourself?
Certainly not. Self preservation is the number one priority for all living things. I know where I'd go to be safe though. I happen to know Suldog has a soft spot for insects as proven here and here.

4 - If fuschia was a smell, and avocados were polar bears, why not Toronto?
Indeed why not Toronto! Amen! Toronto has taken it on the chin (or in the pants, depending on how they answered question 1) for long enough!

5 - Does the fact that Deep Purple isn't in the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame piss you off? How about the fact thatFrankie Lymon & The Teenagers ARE in there? I mean, come on, not a bad singing group, but that's like puttingEddie Brinkman in Cooperstown.



Eddie Brinkman, whom I really liked as a player, but come on...

I had no idea Deep Purple wasn't in the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Yes, that pisses me off, because I happen to know there are many artists in there who didn't play Rock or Roll. Isn't Run DMC in there? I know they played with Aerosmith once, but... really?

6 - If you were Eddie Brinkman, would you be pissed off now?

DMC for that matter?) 

I will say though, judging by his picture, he chose to replace his genitals with a working nose, and just found out farts aren't funny anymore.
7 - Artichokes or Hand Grenades?

Are we talking about to eat, or to blow things up? If we're just talking interior design, they're both fairly similar looking, but artichokes rot. I'd have to go with Hand Grenades. Artichokes come close, but as the saying goes, close only matters in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades. (or as I like to say Hand-shoes and Horse-grenades. I don't know what a horse-grenade is but I can't imagine it NOT being funny.)

8 - What's that smell?


I think it depends on your answer to question 1. You could always ask Eddie.

Alrighty then, my turn... 

Questions:

1 - What's better advice for a kid. "Always look both ways before talking candy from strangers" or "when crossing the street, stop, drop, and roll"?

2 - If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

3 - and Unitarians?

4 - and Presbyterians?

5 - Do you think the fact that Underdog is no longer aired is due to fact that he would only gain his super powers after taking a pill, and people believe that promotes use of drugs, or because Garfield master minded a hostile take over of Underdog's time slot?

6 - If you could choose one song to play loudly to announce your presence every time you entered a room, what would it be?

7 - What famous actor / actress would you cast as yourself in the motion picture?

8 - Cake or Pie?

...Now... 

Who to tag? I'm going to try not to tag anyone Suldog tagged. How 'bout:


I know, Suldog tagged the Surly Writer, and Quirky Loon, but I really wanna hear what they have to say. :) 

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Truths for Mature Humans

I'm not typically one to forward jokes. Actually, I'm not really even one to forward jokes to, apparently. I used to get lots. Not sure what happened. I think the world just sorta finally got to the point where just about everyone has recieved, forwarded, re-recieved and re-forwarded so many jokes that everyone's tired of it or something.

I did get a good one today, so I thought that I would share it here.


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive
for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -
ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the
phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger
and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I
first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each
hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they
said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every
year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate
drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate
bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
time.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Been a while

Hey!

How've you been?

Long time no see!

How're the kids? The wife? The family?

You still at the same place?

I've been meaning to post, but things get so hectic! You know how it is...

But hey, I gotta run, but it was great seeing you!

Let's do lunch sometime! I don't wanna lose touch like that again!

Take care!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Train of thought derailed

The last time I posted something during a moment of time where I normally wouldn't have thought about posting, it turned out amusing. Here, I find myself in yet another situation where posting a blog entry doesn't sound like something one would do, so... Here I go.

I'm not certain whether it's lack of sleep, as last night was a very late night, and this morning started quite early, or the levels of coffee that I've had today to counterbalance, but my mind is wandering without my permission, and it's got a habit of wandering very far away from me. I can only hope it's leaving a trail of bread crumbs.

Four times I tried to read an email sent to me earlier, and four times I failed. The email was: "Tomorrow is Friday, and I'll be away next week. I'd like to get a few things before I leave, but I don't know if i'll get the chance. Maybe I'll stop at Walmart."

Not a very complicated email. My attempts went like this:

1) "Tomorrow is Friday..." Goddamn right it us. My wife works tomorrow, I'll have to figure out something to do for dinner. God only knows what'll be a good choice, my oldest daughter is finicky lately. I'll have to figure out what to feed the baby shortly too... Not as easy as it was a month ago when she'd just eat whatever slop you spooned up out of a jar, but since we introduced little finger foods, she only wants to feed herself. Just like her older sister, I guess who decided once she tried real food that she was done with baby food. We ended up giving away about a case of jar food. Some of that stuff was nasty smelling, like the beef-whatever one that smelled like Dintey Moore Beef stew... Which I also don't like. My wife does though. And actually she liked that baby food too, come to think of it. ...ew...

*ahem* back to that email.

2) "Tomorrow is Friday..." Ok, that's where I left off last time... "And I'll..." away... next ... no, I'll BE away next week. I haven't been away in a while.

...

3) "tomorrow is Friday..." Ok, got it. "and I'll BE away next week..." I wonder how many weeks he gets... Took me years to get more than 2 weeks. As it is, I get 3 weeks of paid time off to divide between sick and vacation time. I... GRR...

4)"Tomorrow..." ...I'm staring at the words, and my brain is not absorbing. Let's try this again later...

As I sit here now, although I am able to type in a straight line (which I credit to being able to type just about as fast as I talk, and for no other reason even closely resembling mental clarity) I find that my eyes are moving slowly, and my head feels like there's a low buzz, like when a fluorescent bulb sorta half-burns out. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Have you ever felt... oh, look, I have an email... wonder who it's from...

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My turn to piss you off!

So those of you who read my last post might remember that I was a little annoyed ... ok, a lot annoyed, with just about everything for no particular reason. I'd mentioned that in that state of mind, it was perfectly believable that a huge corporation would hire someone just to piss me off.

I got to thinking what I could do to fire back. Sure, two wrongs don't make a right... but aren't you supposed to fight fire with fire?? Turn about's fair play? or was I to be the bigger person? Hell, I've been a "bigger person" most of my life. It got me picked on in grade school, but it kept people away from me in High school. Now the world if virtual, and no one I deal with ever sees me anyway, so it doesn't do me much good.

Now, of course, I'm not going to do these things, cause most of them are illegal, and ALL of them are wrong, but I'd be willing to bet it'd get the goat of a few of those evil empire corporations who have whole departments dedicated to causing me inconvenience.

In my perfect retributive plan, I would have a whole army of like minded individuals. I'm sure it'd be called a mob, but really, it's my own corporation. Perhaps an LLC instead of INC, cause that's cheaper, I'm told...

We'd travel the world spray painting "ION" at the end of every "Victoria's Secret" sign.

We'd find a place to sample some of the following meats: Manatee, Spotted Owl, Bald Eagle, Humpback whale, elephant, and Narwhal. We'd use the ivory to fashion a beautiful chess set. And as I hate playing Chess, I'd then just throw it out.

We'd buy huge amounts of metals from China, make shitty items, cover it with lead paint and sell it back to them at a markup.

We'd run English as a second language schools for immigrant children, and teach them all the wrong words.

We'd secretly switch the coffee in all medium to large sized companies with decaf. When everyone had a raging headache, we'd hand out muscle relaxers, saying they were advil.

We'd feed alka-seltzer and cigarette butts to seagulls and pigeons.

We'd leave all the lights on, all the air conditioners on, all the heat cranked up to full and all the windows open. We'd leave the water running and the fridge open.

We'd change the toner in all the copy machines and printers, and just throw away the empty containers, instead of recycling.

We'd call all the ladies we came across "Babe" and "Chick".

We'd make up nicknames for all the guys we came across like "Sally".

We'd rent cars, and continue to turn the key even after the car is running, making that horrible sound.

We'd infiltrate grade schools, and tell the kid's there's no difference between the words "There" "They're" and "Their" and that they are interchangeable.

We would NOT leave the toilet seats up. We'd just put plastic wrap over the bowl, just underneath the seat.

I think that's a decent enough list for now. What would you do to get back at corporate america for going out of their way to piss you off??

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Ugh

So, I woke up this morning feeling crappy. Not sick, not in much pain save for the aching of my shoulder which I slept on funny. Just tired, I guess. Bit of a headache. Probably dehydrated a tad. Sour disposition. Nothing positive to say. Dragged myself "to work" which is the next room as I work from home) sans shower cause I couldn't be bothered today. Everything is getting on my nerves within the first minute of dealing with it. Probably not very good company, though fortunately I'm alone, save for you gentle readers who fortunately don't have to experience any of that first hand. Allow me to apologize half-heartedly ahead of time if my bad mood rubs off.

Posting a blog entry was sort of low on my list of things I wanna do right now, but it's been a while and I decided "What better time to post a blog entry than when I really don't want to? It's bound to be loaded with honesty and disregard for anything that doesn't involve coffee." Don't expect any words of wisdom here, or kind advice. There'll be no mirth making, no anecdotes, no wistful reminiscence, and especially no pictures. Those take entirely too much energy for me today. There probably won't be any links either.

My patience is thin today. I have a very low tolerance for BS to start with, but today it's non existent. I'm getting irritated by the fact that I can't spell and Google chrome is throwing red squiggly lines under just about every word. I know it's just trying to help, and I'm shooting the messenger here... but I don't think what I need right now is another source letting me know something I did is wrong. Perhaps it's not logical, and in a few hours (or days) I might feel a little abashed for scowling at my web browser for doing something it was asked to do, i.e. spell check for me... but right now, I feel completely justified.

There... Red squigglies gone (except beneath "squigglies" which is evidentially not a word...)

I'm not pleased with the temperature of my coffee. When the room gets to 80°F it's considered hot. Yet, coffee at room temperature is considered cold. Coffee with ice in it is SO cold that it's called something entirely different. It requires a classification unto itself called "Iced". Mine is currently Luke-warm. Who is this Luke guy anyway? I'll have to look that up later, I can't be bothered to move my mouse right now, as my arms are settled into their "at the keyboard" formation.

I'm listening to Pandora, which is an online music thing. You sign up and put in a song name or band name, or even genre, and it creates a custom "radio" station that places music that coincided with whatever you put in. You can add content, you can give a song "thumbs down" if you don't like it and they'll never play it again, or you give it a "thumbs up" and they'll make sure to play it again at some point. Sometimes they'll throw in something from way out there, and you wonder what in the hell you added to your station that would make anyone with half a clue add it... For instance, one of my stations is "Classic Rock". Led Zep, Pink Floyd, Queen, Bad company, etc... 60s and 70s stuff. Well, I just had to "thumbs down" a rap song. I think someone at Pandora heard I was grumpy and decided to screw with me. After all, it's perfectly rational to figure that some million dollar company would hire someone to take the time to piss me off for no practical reason.

(quick break to de-squigglieify my text...)

All my minor inconveniences are big irritants right now. I have a fingernail that tore off just a little to far, and it's sore. You might think I stuck it into the end of a magnum 44 all Tom and Jerry style, the way it's bothering me right now.

Eventually, I know I'm going to have to get up and use the facilities, and that's making me grumpy because I don't want to. It's like nature's way of reminding you that you're not really in complete control, and you're still a puppet on her strings. Sooner or later, you're going to do it. The only thing you can control is where it's done.

Ok, I think I've pissed and moaned enough here to consider it a a blog entry of decent length, so I'm going to give you a chance to complain as well. I know I'm not the only one who gets into these funks from time to time, although I try not to call it a Funk, cause it just sorta takes something away from it. Such a silly word.

What raises your ire irrationally when you're just not in the mood for Bullsh*t?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Road Rager

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this blog entry do not necessarily relfect those of the writer, and are the sole opinions of the fictional character from which they may have come. Although the writer IS a Boston driver, he's really very courteous and obeys all traffic laws.

The Boston Driver's sentiments:
I am a Boston driver. I'm in a hurry. I have somewhere I need to be, and frankly, you're in my way. If you can't see over the steering wheel, you have no business being on the road, let alone the left lane. If all I see through your rear window is blue hair and knuckles on the steering wheel, I get homocidal.

I'm not interested in the speed limit. I'm not interested in your political views, your honor student, your nationality flag sticker, your peace slogans, or your clever little sayings, so get your bumper out of my face.

I'm not interested in your displeasure about me tailgating. If you're in my way, I will be letting you know by obscuring my headlights from your mirrors by driving up your tailpipe. You will think I'm using your rear view mirror to check if I have something in my teeth.

Move over so I can pass. I don't care what you do after that. Get behind me and flash your high beams if it makes you feel better. Don't bother flipping me off, because I don't care. I also won't hear your horn because my music is louder.

I change lanes at the drop of a hat. If your lane is moving faster than mine, you can bet I'll be changing. I don't care if I cut you off, that's your fault for leaving me room. I don't use my blinkers. I know there's a chance you're a Boston driver too, and letting you know what I'm going to do only gives you a chance to speed up and not let me in. I know, because I do it to you.

Pedestrians have no rights. Crosswalks are a farce. Yes, you have the right of way. You're also dead. I happen to know that's not a risk you're willing to take. I will not stop for you. I will continue to go as close to you as possible without hitting you. Watch out for my mirrors.

I will double park. I will block your drive way. I will move your road cones. I will pass you in the breakdown lane. I will slow down if you tailgate me. I will box you in if you try to pass. I will find a way to get back in front of you if you cut me off.

You other drivers don't understand. I'm not in traffic with you. You're in traffic with me. I am a Boston Driver, and I'm more important than you.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Joe Cocker

I don't know if I've ever posted this here before, but I think it's worth posting again... just too funny

Monday, July 12, 2010

Boys (and most men) will be boys.

Those of you who are, were, or have male kids know that the typical boy has a rather warped sense of humor and fun. Some things are funny to boys that overshadow just about any other sort of humor.

Boys will laugh about anything that smells bad, for example, particularly if whatever it is that smells bad is or was organic. The more closely related to his own biology, the funnier the boy will find it.

I remember many an hour of my youth spent in hysterics over the gasses my cousin and I could produce. It got to the point where if we were in a group of people and one of us compromised atmospheric integrity, we were able to tell whether it was one of ours or something foreign. If someone tried to blame one of us, we'd know whether or not they were lying.

We got pretty devious about things for a while there. It became very easy for us to find our way into a crowded area before deploying. By the time people were laying blame, we were long gone, and no one was the wiser. That was called the "Drag and Drop".

Probably the most memorable time for me was on the way home from a seminar (Yeah, I was quite a bit older at that point.) and a group of us was leaving. I tried to separate myself from the group, but just as I was decompressing, the elevator showed up and I had to jump on. And it was packed, and hot. It was five or six floors of total silence and thick disgust. The only sound that could be heard was me trying not to erupt in laughter.

Getting off the elevator, I realized the poor fellow behind me was in a wheelchair and right at trap-door level, only mere inches from my trembling-with-stifled-laughter stanky arse. That poor man deserves a medal.

If you find yourself wishing your particular male adolescent would find something else amusing other than asphyxiating you, you may be relieved to hear there are things that a boy will find even funnier.

There's a reason slapstick is so popular, you see. A boy will always laugh when someone gets hurt. The closer related the injured person is, the harder he will laugh. Mt. Rushmore could have probably acceptably been carved into Larry, Curley, Moe and Chemp.

My cousin and I were pretty good friends, and together almost all of the time back then. One day I was doing the dishes, or at least, cleaning the coffee pot, as I'd had quite the coffee habit by then. It was an electric percolator. You'd put the coffee in the basket inside with the water and plug it in. Ten minutes later, you'd have coffee.

Maybe it's because I wasn't schooled in the ways of electricity, or perhaps I was, but because I hadn't had my coffee yet, I didn't think about it, but I rinsed the thing off, set it down on the counter and plugged it in. It began perking away.

I reached into the dishpan and removed my mug, intending to clean it. One hand in the dishpan, I put my other hand down on the counter, and BZZZZT!!

I dropped my mug and a recoiled from the coffee pot. I looked at it for a moment, and put 2 and 2 together. Once I understood what was going on... I did it again.

and again. I laughed and did it a fourth time, this time making noises like I was totally frying.

I splashed a little more water on the cord, and took a deep breath. I was going for gold this time. I stuck one hand in the dishpan, and grabbed the pot with my whole hand and held on like I was dangling from a helicopter. The lights dimmed a bit.

Getting back to what I was talking about before, regarding friends getting hurt being funny, I called my cousin into the kitchen, and pretended to be busy with something. I told him the coffee was almost done, if he wanted to wash his mug, which I made sure was dirty. As soon as he reached into the dishpan, I grabbed him by the throat and shocked the bajesus out of him.

He swung his arms a bit, and broke the connection. I was laughing so hard I couldn't answer his demands of "What the hell was that!?"

After a few minutes I showed him what was going on, and we both had a good laugh. We added more water and made all kinds of experiments out of the materials we had at hand. Sponges, spoons, tin foil and so on.

While I know we were quite a pair, I'm sure we weren't alone in our stupidity-based fun. What did you do as a kid?

Monday, June 28, 2010

Verizon FiOS Business Phone Support Nightmare!

Five days ago, we called and requested a reverse DNS entry for a client of ours, and we were told 24 to 48 hours. Today, it's still not there.

I called Verizon Technical support, and was disconnected. 

I called back and ended up in the wrong queue, even though I requested the Fios internet queue, I got to talk to a "Land Line support tech". She transferred me to another queue where I sat for twenty five minutes, and was told by the recorded lady, "Your call could not be completed at this time, please try again later" and I was disconnected.


I called back, spoke with Lawrence. He transfered me to the "Reverse DNS team", where I spoke to Travis. Travis told me I was on the wrong place, and I needed to call Fios support at 1-888-553-1555, which is the number I was calling.

I dialed the number, provided the information. At this point I was frustrated, so I kept hitting 0, until the recorded lady relented. She finally said "Ok, I can get you to someone, first, is this for home or business?" I said business, and she put me into the queue. I was in that queue for no less than 8 seconds, and I heard some kind of notification in another language I couldn't readily identify. After that, she recorded lady said "Your call could not be completed at this time, please try again later" and I was disconnected.

I called again, and once again I jumped up and down in the 0, told her I meant business, and got the funny notification and the brush off.

I took a deep breath, and called back, this time providing all the information again. Of course, they're experiencing high call volume, probably because there was some dead call of mine on at least a half dozen of their queues. Finally someone answered, and asked for information. I asked what department I got, and she said Land Line Support. She put me back in the queue after I expressed my dissatisfaction. My call was shortly dropped.

I got online and tried online technical chat. Unfortunately, due to high traffic, the applet would not load. "Try again later" they said.

I logged into twitter and queried @VerizonSupport. While I waited, I turned back to the phone.

Called, entered information, pressed the number for fios internet support, and was answered by a man who's name I think was Shaveed. "In tech support" he said. Turns out, this was DSL technical support. He said he'd transfer me to the right place. I stopped him and said I've been at this for over an hour, and I've been in several different queues. He took down my number in case we got disconnected, and told me he'd not place me in a queue, but he'd "Warm transfer" me to the person who could take care of this. I sat on hold for ten minutes, he came back on and said he was sorry for the wait, there was a lot of traffic, should only be another few mintues and put me back on hold. A few minutes later, the musak turned into a busy signal.

I called back, entered the information, and the recorded lady said she couldn't find my records, but agreed to transfer me to an agent. She played a couple seconds of music and came back to say "Your call cannot be completed at this time, please try again later". and she hung up again.

I called again, entered the info, and went once again to Land Line Tech support. I told the woman that this was by far the most difficult time I've ever had getting any level of support from any vendor I have every had to deal with. She said "Ok." and transferred me to who she promised was the right place.

While I waited, I saw that I had a tweet waiting for me from @VerizonSupport, suggesting that I email Business-support@verizonbusiness.com. I began writing the email, expecting that I would be disconnected or some such from this phone call.

A man answered, and I asked what department I was in. "Fiber solutions center" he said. I told him what I needed, he understood and said no problem. I then explained the calamedy that lead up to this call, and he took down my information, gave me a case number, and told me how to navigate through the phone queues to get to where I needed to go, should I ever need to do this again.

Edward in the Providence RI Fiber Solutions Center, you are the first competent person with whom I spoke at verizon in the last three hours, and that includes the recorded lady. Hats off to you.

If you need to have a reverse dns entry set up, and your ISP is Verizon Fios, Call 1-888-553-1555 tell the recorded lady "Agent" a few times, and you SHOULD go straight to the "Fiber Solutions Center". If you don't, just ask for that department. God willing, you will get Edward in the Providence, Rhode Island branch.

Underplayed songs by overplayed artists

It's no secret that I'm a big music fan/snob. There are bands that I will summarily ignore when they come on the radio, and these days I find myself changing the station (I know, I need XM. I'm a little behind. So shoot me) even when it's a band I like, just because the song is over played.

I find it a shame that people think "Oh yeah, I know Led Zeppelin, Stairway! Woo!" or "Queen, yeah, We will rock you!" While yes, these songs may be enjoyable, there is so much more to these bands than what people get out of these songs alone.

Here are some songs from such artists that don't get the air-time that they should, in my opinion. Feel free to disagree with me.

1. Because I'd mentioned Led Zeppelin above, I thought I'd start with them.

When the Levee Breaks


Tangerine


2. Lynyrd Skynyrd, again because I mentioned it above, and I think they're grossly misrepresented by Free Bird and Sweet Home Alabama.

The Ballad of Curtis Lowe. Excellent sing-a-long-ability.


I Need You. Great wailing guitar.


I know a little (OK, so this one gets a little play time, but really... I don't do anything as well as these guys play the guitar in this tune.) If I were a fast dancing fellow, this is the stuff I'd be dancing to.


3. Jimi Hendrix. Everyone knows Purple Haze, Foxy Lady, and All Along the Watch Tower, but one of my favorites, though it may get some air time is a little less known.

Little Wing


4. Aerosmith. I am a big Aerosmith fan, but I get a little tired of the stuff that's played constantly on the radio. I like to reach back a bit to some of their first hits.

Mia


Seasons of Wither


Walkin' the Dog


Got any of your own favorite underplayed songs by over played artists??

Friday, June 25, 2010

Telephone Manners

A lot of my job is on the phone I am almost always calling someone to give support. When I call somebody, I believe in being courteous. When they answer, I always say hello, tell them who I am and ask how they are doing. There are a few different responses I get.

about 40% of the time, the person to whom I am speaking is receptive, and reciprocates. "Hi Matt, I'm well, and you?" This is a good sign. It means that they are generally in a good mood, or at least aren't letting stress or what have you get to them enough to direct any irritation toward me. I usually answer exaggeratedly. "I am, ah... Stupendous!" I'll say. I usually get a chuckle and a "Well good! What can I do for you".

Another 40% of the time, it catches the answerer off guard, and they're not sure what to say. It's like they believe that if they answer in a friendly manner, that they're showing weakness or something, or perhaps that because I'm being friendly, I'm probably selling something or at least I'm someone to be wary of. What is wrong with this world that the simple act of being friendly puts people on the defensive?

Sometimes right after I introduce myself and ask how they're doing, I'll get a moment of dead air. I have to assume that either they're taking a moment to assess themselves in order to give me an accurate report on exactly how they're doing, they're hoping I continue without waiting for an answer, because no one on this earth ever really cares how the person on the other end of the phone is doing, or they are considering lying to me, but they weren't prepared.

The last 20% are the people who just don't want to be bothered with the call. These are the people who answer "hullo." I made that "h" lowercase on purpose, don't gloss over it. Their tone just isn't even formal enough to capitalize the transcription.

Believe it or not, I actually kind of enjoy these calls. I always lay it on a little thicker on these guys. I'll introduce myself, and still ask how they are, knowing full well that they don't want to talk. They will wait for me to continue, thinking to get away with not answering. I wait. Invariably, I get "good" to which I reply "Well good, I'm glad to hear that!" It seems to annoy them. Perhaps it's sort of sadistic, but the idea that someone is so miserable that being nice to them is a source of irritation really kinda amuses me. Like, You really don't want someone to be nice to you? That makes you mad? What would you rather, I was rude, and then you wouldn't be obligated to talk to me? Heh, and give you that satisfaction? I think not.

I hope I'm not alone in being nice on the phone, am I? You guys are nice on the phone right? Which group would you be in if I called you right now??

Monday, June 21, 2010

Super Powers

It's been a while since my last post, there's been some crap going on in RL that's had me a little bit bothered, so my muse has been absent.

Anyway, I am a big fan of the comic book movies, like Batman (the first one was good, and then they were all pretty bad until Batman Begins), and X-men, and all the others in between.

As any real geek has, I have had the discussion of what super power you'd pick. Favorites are always Telekinesis, Invisibility, Flight, etc... I've got two possibilities, personally. I can't decide between the two.

1) The ability to control Velocity.
One of my favorite villains is Magneto, he has the ability to control and manipulate metals. In the movies, he's shown ripping the iron from a man's blood. He took that iron and made little balls of metal that he propelled like bullets. How cool is that!

I got to thinking though, what power could have that control over things in addition to metals? Well, everything has a velocity, be it negative or positive or what have you... We're all accelerating toward the center of the earth as we speak, it's just that the earth is pushing back. That's gravity.

So what if you could control velocity? Objects at rest could be sent flying around, objects in motion could be stopped. It could also be done on a molecular level. Everything has molecules that vibrate, what if those could be made to vibrate faster? Things would just come apart.

Anyway, that'd be my power if I chose the path of a villain.

2) Biological control
Imagine having control over bodily functions of all living things? Think about all the possible uses!

You're at the train station, and some jackass runs by to catch a train and bumps into you. As he's running down the platform, BAM! He experiences an earth-shaking orgasm mid stride! Now... I'm not really one for giving other guys orgasms, but picture it. You know there's nothing else a guy can do while that's happening... The body freezes. He's bound to fall right off the platform.

Or when you're in public and someone is talking ridiculously loud on their cell phones, and BAM! Suddenly they can't stop belching into the phone.

You could also make someone belch, sneeze, cough, vomit, fart, itch, sweat, evacuate their bowls and or bladder all at the drop of a hat, and from far enough away that you get to watch, but don't get hit by anything.

That would be a super power suitable for either hero or villain, if you ask me.

What are you top two super power picks??

Sunday, June 13, 2010

FOREVER ENDEAVOR

My "big" brother John is suffering from MS. (Multiple Sclerosis, not Microsoft which almost all of us suffer from).

He's a teriffic guitar player and an amazing artist. He's a north eastern resident, though he's got a good deal of the South West in his soul, having spent some time in Las Cruses, NM.

I've been helping him out with starting a blog, and I'd consider it a personal favor if you'd stop by over there from time to time. His Blog is Social-Obscurity.blogspot.com

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Count Dentula

I've been in a contemplative mood lately, and feeling silly, so I'll try to keep this one short...

Seems like everywhere you look these days, there's a vampire movie or book staring you in the face. I'm not exactly sure what the sudden fascination with the undead is, but I find it a little unrealistic, and NOT for the obvious reasons.

Sure, I mean, the first glaring thing is that they're undead... Yeah, ok, I can suspend disbelief enough to entertain that sort of idea, after all I do run a Dungeons and Dragons blog (Shameless plug!).

I can understand them being immune to germs and disease (although it's supposedly a disease to be one, isn't it?)But how come you never see a vampire with bad teeth? I don't buy that their teeth wouldn't at least be all stained, I mean, I drink coffee, and mine get stained. They drink blood. One would think the same would happen. I don't see them gargling bleach or anything. I can't imagine all the random biting and what not, that they'd never chip a tooth or something.

I think it'd make a great movie, a Vampire with sensitive teeth. Can't bite someone if they're too cold, or like, only on the right side of their mouths. People would be finding bodies with just one hole in the neck, you know? Maybe the Vampire would have to carry around one of those can opener type things I always had to use as a kid to poke opposing holes through the ends of the cans of juice.

You'd think a Vampire would need at least a quarterly physical, they gotta have all kinds of problems from eating only red blood... Vitamin deficiencies, cholesterol... And what with no blood of their own, they must have pure lard in their veins. And how come none of them are fat, don't dead bodies bloat? Or what about some of the other things, like putting out the waste? You never see a vampire making a pit stop, but what goes in must come out. Another movie opp: The young Vampire child who grew faster than his bladder, which is a common problem among growing children, that causes them to wet the bed a lot. Unfortunately for the vampire, they sleep hanging upside down.

And another thing, they can't be out during the day, right? The sun light burns them up or something (at least that's how it is in every story except the "Twilight" saga, where it's just because they're sparkley. I think the writer might have thought of the same thing as I have) but the moon light doesn't seem to bother them. To quote Pink Floyd, "There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it's all dark." The moon reflects the sun light, albeit somewhat dimmer. But I'd think it'd give em at least a headache or something.

And while we're on the subject of fantasy, I'm reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy right now... I don't see the big deal, I have a gold ring that holds some kind of control over me, and makes me invisible to all women. Well... Not all women, I suppose. I'm willing to bet some of the more evil ones would still see me.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Kids

Just a quick thought here...

I find it funny how differently people will react at being called a Kid. Growing up, I remember telling a female friend that she was "a good kid". Well! Boy, you would have thought I called her a slack-jawed, stupid ass clown, or something like that, and what's worse, I think we were only barely 15? We were definitely, by ALL definition, kids.

I remember a time when being a kid was a real pain in the ass, and all I could do was look forward to being an adult. Get my own money, spend it on things that I wanted, etc... (Yeah right!) The typical stuff a child wishes for, but I never included in those wishes giving up the freedoms and privileges I'd already had. I never said "Boy, I'd gladly pay taxes if people would stop telling me what time to come home...". I never wanted to STOP being a kid, I just wanted to do some adult things in addition!

Well, time waits for no man, and thus I am (I think?) technically an adult, though I prefer to think of myself as a little kid of thirty. I like to think we're all really still kids. After all, we're the same person we were back then, albeit a little older and hopefully wiser. We may walk a different path now, but by and large, we're the same folks, and at one time, we were a kid! I consider it like being the President... Even after you're done with your term, people still have to call you Mr. President!

After some thought, I think that when you get right down to it, most of us still enjoy having a good time, just like we did when we were kids. Frankly, I think the only reason we ever do anything is for the basic goal of Fun. Why do we work? So we can have money... Why do we want money? To pay for things... Why do we need things? Well... most of those "things" are not essential to be alive, but they sure make things easier... Cars, houses, etc... Very nice things, and I want them... but there are places on earth where people live without these things. It CAN be done. Maybe not comfortably, but it is possible. Personally, I'm not interested in living off the land, wearing a loin cloth, so... I prefer working, cause being broke is no fun! At very least, even if you don't agree with me (and I know some people won't!) you have to admit that the answer to any question about why we do anything we do can be "Because the alternative is less fun or desirable." Right?

I know there are people who enjoy their jobs and say they'd work if they hit the lottery, but I'm willing to bet that the vast majority would stop working the day their employers stopped paying. The few who would still show up need their heads examined.

One of my favorite songs by Moxy Fruvous is called "The Kid's song". It does a good job of pointing out the things

Unfortunately my YouTube-Fu was not strong enough to find a video of it... So I'll cut and paste some of the lyrics from some other place...

We took the babies we knew and the toddlers we knew,
Said we'd like to get a slice of life from your point of view
'Cause you cry and laugh a lot more than us older folks do
It's a Spicer show especially for you.

The markers that I just got are non-toxic
And my sister says the lake is quite dioxic
I don't know what these words mean,
I just want to play where it's clean
But something in the backyard make my dog sick.

Is there something you like? (squirt-gunning my dog!)
Is there something you hate? (when my turtle ate my gerbil)
Is it fun to take a bath (yes, no, sometimes, yeah)
Should Quebec separate?
Well, we'll try and handle that for you
And make a better world, so you can have kids too.

My mom is French, and she's a candy striper
When my dad sings 'Save the Queen' she gets real hyper
She says "Douglas, keep your paws
Off my Notwithstanding clause"
And they argue, and forget about my diaper (gross!)

Is there something you like? (Jurassic Park)
Is there something you despise? (when I ate too many crayons)
Do you like to play with dolls? (not dolls, action figures)
Do you have a gender bias? (my sister is three....gender biases)*awkward silence... huh?*
Well, we'll try to handle that for you
And make a better world, so you can have kids too.

Hello, I'm Gabby and I just got here from Chile (welcome Gabby!)
I like Canada, except that it is chilly
I met Premier Bob Rae, and he ain't no Pinochet
My mother makes a spicy bowl of chili (three rhymes!)

Is there something you like? (squirt-gunning my Shreddies)
Is there something you reject? (food that isn't pizza)
What's your favourite colour? (fuschia...teal)
Is that politically correct? (tbhtbhtbhtbh!)
Well, we'll try and handle that for you
And make a better world, so you can have kids too.

Now the kids have held court, and we're glad to report
That from now on we'll take orders from the young and the short
In fact, adults should only speak up as a final resort
When there's a grown-up problem through which one must sort
Trust the people for whom living is a sport
If you need us we'll be backyard in our new treefort.

EDIT: Ok, so I explored my own YouTube-Fu a little deeper, and just created a video of this song though it's just a picture of the band's name, you can listen to the song at least.



I think the world would be a better place if it were run by those who think more like kids, and less like Business men... don't you?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Pet Peeves Revisited, and a new list

On my way home from a meeting this morning, traveling in the fast lane on rt 495 south at an undisclosed speed, naturally within the local traffic laws...

Anyway, out of the corner of my eye, I saw fast approaching a white car. It caught my eye because for about four or five seconds, a brown fluttering appeared on the driver's side just above the roof. I looked, and the driver was holding a brown paper bag flapping in the wind like a flag symbolizing laziness, complete disregard not only for the environment (although it was just a paper bag that'll turn to mush in a week or two anyway) but to the well being of the person traveling behind him. That simple paper bag could have caused much more than an ugly brown eyesore in the lush green of the median.

I've said it before, it's not necessarily the fact that someone is litering that bothers me, but the brazen disregard for the fact that our tax dollars are being wasted, paying state workers to walk around and pick that sh*t up! If we just took our trash to wherever we're going, and threw it out, that money could be spent on better things...

Anyway, being in front of this person who was clearly in a hurry, I clicked the cruise control off, and coasted for a little while. Before long I was doing 50 in the high speed lane, no doubt to the dismay of many more than just mr. Brownbag. As his car neared uncomfortably, I saw through his windshield that he had his head tilted back, draining a cardboard cup of whatever it had in it. And ice cold serving of idiot fluid, I was certain, cause sure enough once satisfactorily emptied, the cup flew out the window as well.

It didn't take long for Mr. Brownbag to get pissed off enough to go around me, and I tried to stare some humility into him on his way by... however, he didn't look at me. I was a little bit surprised that he didn't even look over to stare into the eyes of a jackass doing now around 48mph in the high speed lane. He didn't even look inconvenienced... I began to think perhaps I was a little hasty in my judgement of him. Maybe he wasn't a complete ass, but perhaps just completely devoid of thought. Clearly, someone, at some point of this person's life had to have mentioned, at very least in passing conversation, that littering isn't nice, though, so the benefit of the doubt doesn't excuse him very much, in my book. He's smart enough to have passed a driving test (presumably) he ought to know better than to liter like that.

He zipped by me, and cut back into the left lane just ahead of me, as I sped up and wrote down his plate number. I've still not yet decided what, if anything I'm going to do with it... While stupidity is a thorn in my side, that guy's gotta live with it all day, every day. God only knows what other crap he's caused for himself without ever realizing...

But still, my few minutes of fury when I thought he was being obnoxious gave birth to a few additions to my old list of inconveniences that I wish upon the people who I disrespect.

I hope every time you go to the pharmacy, your information has been lost and they require you to produce your insurance card again.

I hope every time you reach for your insurance card, you realize you left it at home.

I hope the last mouthful of every cup of coffee you drink is filled with grounds.

I hope you scratch the display on every cell phone you buy within two days of owning it.

I hope a kid gets a hold of your glasses every couple days, with some kind of greasy substance on their fingers.

I hope you lock your keys in your car, while it's running (and while you're not inside it) at least once a month.

I hope the credit bureaus get your mixed up with someone of the same name, who happens to be in jail. (This happened to someone I knew, real pain in the arse!)

I hope that every time you sneeze, a little bit comes out your tear duct.

I hope you run out of windshield washer fluid every time a bird hits your car from above.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Power Scheme Profile force for XP, Vista and 7 (powercfg.exe)

One of the issues we've faced as an MSP is when computers turn off, hibernate or go into standby at night during regularly scheduled maintenance.

I've created the following Kaseya script to prevent this from happening. This script can be run on Windows XP, Windows Vista, and Windows 7 platforms. I have no tested it on Windows 2000, or any server platform. (BTW, this is PRE K2!)



Script Name: Power Schemes XP, Vista, 7

Script Description:


IF True
THEN
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -DUPLICATESCHEME 8c5e7fda-e8bf-4a96-9a85-a6e23a8c635c 8c5e7fda-e8bf-4a96-9a85-a6e23a8caaaa
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -CHANGENAME 8c5e7fda-e8bf-4a96-9a85-a6e23a8caaaa "NEWSCHEME"
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -SETACTIVE 8c5e7fda-e8bf-4a96-9a85-a6e23a8caaaa
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -x -monitor-timeout-ac 20
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -x -monitor-timeout-dc 10
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -x -disk-timeout-ac 0
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -x -disk-timeout-dc 0
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -x -standby-timeout-ac 0
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -x -standby-timeout-dc 20
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -x -hibernate-timeout-ac 0
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe -x -hibernate-timeout-dc 0
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 10
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : Powercfg.exe /create NEWSCHEME
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 8
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe /setactive NEWSCHEME
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 8
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -monitor-timeout-ac 20
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 8
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -monitor-timeout-dc 10
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 8
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -disk-timeout-ac 0
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 8
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -disk-timeout-dc 0
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 8
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -standby-timeout-ac 0
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 8
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -standby-timeout-dc 20
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 8
Execute Shell Command
Parameter 1 : powercfg.exe /hibernate off
Parameter 2 : 0
OS Type : 8
ELSE



For those of you who do not have Kaseya and would like batch files, You'll have to keep the XP and the Vista/7 scripts seperate... Here they are.



REM Windows XP

Powercfg.exe /create NEWSCHEME
powercfg.exe /setactive NEWSCHEME


powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -monitor-timeout-ac 20
powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -monitor-timeout-dc 10
powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -disk-timeout-ac 0
powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -disk-timeout-dc 0
powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -standby-timeout-ac 0
powercfg.exe /x NEWSCHEME -standby-timeout-dc 20
powercfg.exe /hibernate off



And Vista / 7



powercfg.exe -DUPLICATESCHEME 8c5e7fda-e8bf-4a96-9a85-a6e23a8c635c 8c5e7fda-e8bf-4a96-9a85-a6e23a8caaaa



REM rename new Highperformance to ParallelEdge


powercfg.exe -CHANGENAME 8c5e7fda-e8bf-4a96-9a85-a6e23a8caaaa "NEWSCHEME"


powercfg.exe -SETACTIVE 8c5e7fda-e8bf-4a96-9a85-a6e23a8caaaa


powercfg.exe -x -monitor-timeout-ac 20
powercfg.exe -x -monitor-timeout-dc 10
powercfg.exe -x -disk-timeout-ac 0
powercfg.exe -x -disk-timeout-dc 0
powercfg.exe -x -standby-timeout-ac 0
powercfg.exe -x -standby-timeout-dc 20
powercfg.exe -x -hibernate-timeout-ac 0
powercfg.exe -x -hibernate-timeout-dc 0